“What If” Thinking Risks Present and Future, Psychologist Warns

People whose lives revolve around “what if” lose both the present and the future, according to Peg O’Connor, Ph.D., in a commentary published September 1, 2026.

O’Connor, author of “Philosophy Stirred, Not Shaken,” identifies a persistent “what if” orientation as a driver of grievance and resentment. She notes that such thinking often accompanies addiction recovery, where individuals repeatedly ask unanswerable questions: “What if I never picked up my first drink or drug?”; “What if I had not second-guessed myself at a crucial juncture in my life?”; “What if my parents had treated me better?”

These questions, she writes, run on an infinite loop. Individuals become attached to imagined answers—always depicting circumstances markedly better than their current reality. That mental habit distorts perception: the past grows disproportionately vivid and real, while the present blurs. Simultaneously, imagined futures grow so bright and vivid they overshadow actual conditions, weakening motivation and capacity to act meaningfully in the here and now.

How “What If” Thinking Undermines Agency

O’Connor explains that “what if” thinking is inseparable from loss—not only of time but of functional relationship to reality. When attention remains fixed on unrecoverable past events or unverifiable alternate outcomes, people shrink their lived world to the contours of their grievances. They misattribute causality, failing to recognize their own role in sustaining outcomes they claim to lament.

Resentment and grievance, she observes, routinely follow this pattern. Episodes from the past are elevated in significance; imagined futures are mourned as though already lost—even when no objective evidence confirms their impossibility.

Why “What Is” Supports Flourishing

In contrast, a “what is” orientation centers on acceptance—not resignation, but clear-eyed acknowledgment of present conditions and boundaries of personal control. The past, O’Connor stresses, is immutable; therefore, effort is directed elsewhere: toward learning from prior experience, drawing on past achievements, and applying those insights actively.

This stance does not imply passivity. Rather, it grounds intention, effort, judgment, and opinion firmly within the individual’s sphere of influence—while recognizing that external factors beyond anyone’s control shape outcomes. Action continues, but without the illusion that effort guarantees specific results.

Quoting Epictetus (5–138 CE), O’Connor underscores the philosophical foundation: “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not but rejoices for those which he has.” Gratitude, she concludes, lies at the core of the “what is” attitude—not selective gratitude, but inclusive appreciation for “all of it”: the bitter and the sweet, the challenging and the easy, the wins and the losses.